No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering

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Please note: In the interests of my own sanity and time saving, I will refer to the author by the honorific Thầy - teacher/master, instead of his full name) If we learn how to take care of our suffering, we not only suffer much less, we create more happiness around us and in the world. Thầy also provides useful practices you can try for yourself in times of suffering, to try and provide some relief, either for you or for the people ar Everyone experiences challenges and disappointments– therefore negative emotions are an unavoidable part of life. In my book, Authentic Strengths, I have synthesized evidence-based techniques to manage negative emotions into an easy to remember, three-step tool that I call: “Connect-Care-Create.” This tool can help you process common negative emotions associated with personal and professional disappointments, losses or failures.

headspace که از نتفلیکس پخش شد به عنوان headspace guide to meditation رو پیشنهاد میکنم، کوتاه تره، انیمیشن هاش فوق العاده است، توضیحات اضافه نداره، کتاب کلی مبحث های تکراری یا جملات یک شکل رو در فرم های مختلف بیان میکرد که باعث میشد بعضی وقت ها از حوصله خارج بشه و در اون سری برنامه headspace حدود ده دقیقه شما رو در طول مدیتیشن همراهی میکنه بهتون توضیح میده و خیلی کمک میکنه از سردرگمی های اوایل مدیتیشن کمتر کنید یا اگر مثل من مدام ذهنتون همه جا میچرخه بهتون تذکر بده و سریع تر ذهنتون و تمرکزتون رو برگردونه به جایی که باید باشه. جدا از تمام این ها واقعا راهنمایی های صدایی بهتر هستن از کتاب چون در طول مدیتیشن شما نیاز دارین به اینکه یک نفر براتون بعضی چیزها رو مدام تکرار کنه، مخصوصا اوایل راه. کتاب هرچقدر هم اطلاع بهتون بده باز هم در طول مدیتیشن ذهنتون انقدر تحت تاثیر افکار مختلف قرار میگیره که ممکنه بعد از ده دقیقه یک ربع تازه متوجه بشید که مدیتیشن نکردین در اصل در حال overthinking بودین... باز هم :› In practicing this tool, people report a sense of relief, liberation, and a freedom from rumination that opens them to real growth. The most encouraging part of this approach is that we can learn to productively process negative emotions. After all, you are the one person in your life that is always around when you are feeling negative emotions, so why not learn to deliver the best antidote? Some of the situations and accidents that cause us the great- est suffering, when seen objectively, do not look very big. But because we don’t know how to manage them, they feel enormous. If we lose a loved one, that is of course a major loss. There is real pain there, and we feel it mightily. But we also can spend days worrying that some- one doesn’t like us, or that we didn’t say or do the right thing, or that we won’t get the promotion we want. These are small sufferings, rela- tively speaking, but we magnify them until they seem to take up all our mindspace. If we know how to handle the little sufferings, we don’t have to suf- fer on a daily basis. We can practice letting go of what the French call les petites miseres, the little miseries, and save our energy to embrace and soothe the true pains of illness and loss that are unavoidable. releasing the arrow There is a Buddhist teaching found in the Sallatha Sutta, known as The Arrow. It says if an arrow hits you, you will feel pain in that part of your body where the arrow hit; and then if a second arrow comes and strikes exactly at the same spot, the pain will not be only double, it will become at least ten times more intense. The unwelcome things that sometimes happen in life—being rejected, losing a valuable object, failing a test, getting injured in an accident—are analogous to the first arrow. They cause some pain. The second arrow, fired by our own selves, is our reaction, our storyline, and our anxiety. All these things magnify the suffering. Many times, the ultimate disaster we’re ruminating upon hasn’t even happened. We may worry, for example, that we have cancer and that we’re goingOther research on building resilience shows that bravery is one of the character strengths most strongly associated with resilience. It was found that bravery was related to the recovery of life satisfaction after physical illness, and to posttraumatic growth. Resilience also involves the development of courage, which is defined as the capacity to move into situations when we feel fear or hesitation (i.e. bravery). People who develop bravery do not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain, and are able to face adverse situations with increased resilience. Connect, Care, Create I didn’t get to all chapters, as I had to move to another town, but that book and the words of Thich Nhat Hanh about suffering have changed my life forever. For me, my mud is the never-ending grind that is childcare to two small toddlers (ages 2 and 3) in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. I keep thinking – if only I could unload these guys somewhere, I would be FREE. I would be HAPPY. Everything would be better! Neff, K.D., and Germer, C.K. (2013), A Pilot Study and Randomized Controlled Trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion Program.

Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud." ~Thich Nhat NanhInsight is seeing what is there. Gratitude & Clarity can liberate us from Jealousy, anger, etcetera and allow us to feel happiness. We all have insight, we just don't always use it. When our life is good, we must remember the past, when it was difficult and vice versa. Insight can be our guide for both joy and suffering.

When you walk to the bus stop or from one room to another, make it into a walking meditation. Even if your surroundings are full of noise and agitation, you can still walk in rhythm with your breathing. Even in the commotion of a big city, you can walk with peace, happiness, and an inner smile. This is what it means to live fully in every moment of every day of your life. This is something that is possible to do. The optimism from the human spirit lifts the suffering and injects new energy to keep going. Even though you may still be in the mud.Become the lotus. Take inspiration from yoga postures or create your own unique movements. Begin close to the ground and then let your body unfold slowly into different positions as a lotus would make its way to the surface. Children will enjoy this process too! We may not know which way is “up” right now. But maybe, when the darkness sets in, we can lean into our own inner knowing.

The remainder of class we practiced yoga poses of strength in surrender—like the lotus flower that emerges victoriously clean above murky waters—representative of how each of us can overcome life’s painful challenges. In many traditions, the lotus flower symbolizes purification of mind, body and speech; of awakening and letting go. It embodies resilience, as rain from dark clouds slides easily off its petals and it opens itself to the sunshine that follows. In each pose we practiced mindfully observing and making peace with the darkness beneath the lotus—our fear, sadness, anger and other difficult sensations so that we could release them. We experienced the visceral lotus within our own bodies.Use your meditation time and breath to consider your conditions of happiness. Look at your aspirations and obtain insight. Stop running and create the habit of slowing your mind and body, to maximize your happiness and health and to reach your goals. And yet, the thing about desires is that they can’t be finger-wagged away. They can’t be compared away. They cannot even be meditated away. I want space from my kids. I want rest and pause and breaks. I am not my mother. There might be a bit of monster in me. Accepting these things– although inconvenient for my self-conception – is the only way to freedom. No mud, no lotus.